Here at the High-Status Male, we like to kick around ideas that we hope can make us more attractive to women. Women are of course the great and universal Mystery… Their frivolous behaviors have vexed men throughout the Ages — driving them to commit acts of war, suicide and even murder.
And that was when they weren’t otherwise making us insanely lustful, or just plain insane!
A recurring idea in both my books is that men shouldn’t have to obsess too much about their looks as much as their behavior around women since THIS is what the girls grade us on in the same way that guys scope out their physical charms to decide who’s hot or not. Yeah, we all know that we’re supposed to act confident around women to project the vibe that we’ve made it far enough up the pecking order that women should take note. But what does this MEAN in terms of the types of behaviors and attitudes that we need to adopt for ourselves?
Here are 7 important signaling behaviors that you should learn how to manage. See if any of them need to be adjusted in your male display:
1. Stop Pre-editing Away Your Every Possible Opening Words to a Woman. Or maybe I should say stop pre-REJECTING them because, man, that’s what I used to do to myself big time! In normal conversations I was fine and friendly and even funny — but get me near some hot chick and it was clam-up time. I remember standing around helplessly in a club right next to a great looking girl wondering what I should “open” with (and this was before I understood what that even meant!… )
I would stand there locked in mental concrete, my mind racing through various sentences thinking: “that’s sucks… are you kidding me?!… if I say THAT it will make me sound like a complete loser!… ” And then, of course, there was my favorite excuse: “… and so then what will you say to her?”
This last one was a real iron curtain for me — I was essentially putting enormous pressure on myself to have some sort of well-thought-out conversational script all memorized to a tee and ready to go in my head. I never actually sat down and wrote out such a script for myself (a mistake), so in addition to having the perfect opening thing to say I was also required to create this script ON THE FLY!
Do you know how we like to talk about the idea of self-hatred? Well, gentlemen, I present to you Exhibit A!
Notice how best to punish the “hated one”?… by setting the bar for an acceptable performance so high that it becomes impossible to achieve? This did the trick by seeding a big lump of fear in my mind that would cause me to lock up and never even make an attempt to speak up.
Remember, the High-Status Male is King, Boss, and Conqueror… he NEVER believes that his words are unimportant or boring (even if they are), and so he speaks freely! And YOU will listen. To be self-conscious about your words is a loud LSM (low-status male) signal that the women will pick up on right away, so talk.
See how these deadly self-defeating cycles can come to control you?
2. Start Making Eye Contact With Women. And I mean the GOOD kind where you look away about 20% of the time so as not to slip into a ‘psycho leer’. I talk about this extensively throughout my books and audios so I won’t get into the whole thing here, but suffice to say that a shifty-eyed presentation of yourself is always a bad deal. People are made uncomfortable in the presence of someone who won’t look them in the eye. They begin to wonder why you seem to be acting ashamed or guilty. What are you hiding? To varying degrees, women will especially get creeped out by this A+ connection killer.
Poor eye contact creates a vibe that’s just the opposite of charismatic — which is the ability to make people feel good about themselves. Shifty eye contact is anti-charismatic because it forces people to identify with your discomfort instead, and they don’t like that! They don’t want to hang around with people who give them ‘bad vibes’ — for whatever reason — and would just as soon avoid you altogether.
So if you’ve ever scratched your head wondering why you’re not getting many callbacks or why she won’t answer your post-first-date-callback, this could be a big reason why. In your nervousness, you revert to a turtled-up body language that included an evening-long inability to make eye contact with her, and she was put off by this loud signal of male subservience (or disinterest).
As a mechanical quick-fix, you can always practice the tried-and-true “salesman’s trick” whereby you stare at the bridge of someone’s nose if you can’t stand to meet their eye. Most people cannot tell the difference. Ultimately though you should seek to raise your confidence around people, and your eye contact will then become more natural and genuine.
It’s okay to use tricks such as these to kick-start your recovery, but you should always be working towards the day when you will no longer have to rely on such trickery to get you through a conversation.
3. Initiate a Handshake. We all know that a high-status male is attracted to women, but what you may not realize is that your status is determined by your day-to-day interactions with other MEN.
Men constantly push, prod, connive, outwork or seek to outsmart their fellow men in the workplace, culture, battlefield, household or any of a thousand other venues in which they interact. There is always a competition going on to see who’s just a bit more powerful than who. This game never ends, and much of it goes on subconsciously and almost invisibly. In many situations, basic relationships are already clearly pre-established: Joe is the boss and Ron the employee, Jim the dad and mark the son, or Bill is the Sergeant and Ed the Private. Whatever… but it’s clear cut.
However, many daily encounters between men who pretty much seem as if they could be on the same level are not as clearly defined, and so a signal is required to establish who is who. Who is the alpha and who agrees to be the subjugated?
This phenomenon can be played to your advantage if you are aware enough to make a point of establishing yourself as a man to be respected in any casual encounter. One of the simple ways that you can do this is to be the guy to offer to shake hands first (when appropriate of course, such as in a business situation or at a party). Why is this important? Because the higher status male conveys a sense of safety to a lower status male by touching him first — but doing it the other way around can be viewed as a challenge.
Think again about the pre-established relationship: the boss can reach out and put his arm around the employee to convey a message of “good job” or “you’re in my favor”. But reverse this and see what happens: an employee touching the boss unprompted would be seen as disrespectful and perhaps even a challenge to his authority. It says, “what are you going to do about it?”
So by expressing a desire to shake hands first, it can seem as is you are seeking to touch the other guy from a position of strength. This can be very subtle and probably makes little more than a subliminal impact, but those are usually the best kind!
When you get into the habit of being ‘touch aggressive’ regularly you will begin to establish a bit more respect for yourself. There will be some push-back from time to time as men continue to jockey against each other for just that shade more status than the other guy (I’m stronger, more intelligent, more courageous, wealthier, etc.). But at least now you’re playing the game instead of being quickly dispatched off the board by guys who size-up your reluctance to “go first” as an automatic win for themselves.
4. Speak up. In the same vein as the previous point about handshakes, your verbal thrust (or lack thereof) makes a statement about you as well. The loudest mouth in a group of men is often the alpha. In one-on-one conversations, alpha usually carries the conversation in some way — from being the more informed or interesting party to give direct commands in some cases, while the “beta” shuts up and listens!
Another thing the beta male often does to cement his lower status is an attempt to sanitize or otherwise try to frame what he’s saying so as not to provoke alpha. For instance, in that employee-boss situation, the employee may try to break some bad news to the boss softly or in a hedged fashion to minimize his displeasure (and possible wrath!).
Whereas the boss simply states his mind with no regard as to how his words may make his subordinate “feel”. (i.e., “You’re fired, Johnson!”)
In neutral encounters where there is no pre-established pecking order, the one who ISN’T afraid to speak up first is usually given a higher status grade by most women who would casually observe such an encounter.
So even if it means stating the obvious, just do it. Because the actual content of what you’re saying conveys less critical information than the silent signal delivered by just who is talking to whom. Get it?
Again, subliminal. But that’s why they call it making an impression. And these impressions will stack-up in your favor with repeated expression.
5. Drop Dead and Smile. Now we’re back to your interactions with women. Nervousness and fidgety jumpiness convey a signal of having little personal confidence. Also when we’re nervous we rarely smile but instead wear a mask of concern that can look angry. This generally doesn’t make a great first impression on women, unless you know how to pull off the strong, brooding, silent type of vibe (although if you could I doubt you would be reading this now!)
A better way to go is to smile and make great eye contact and generally just MODEL the sort of reaction that you want to be reflected at you. Again, imagine the man of considerable status and power: master of his universe, he is calm and collected as he moves through life. No nervous fidgeting that might reveal underlying insecurity about… what? His social skills, his bank account, his fading virility? Ha!… not a chance!
And yet that’s what YOUR nervousness can convey about you if you’re not careful.
Still nervous anyway? It’s okay so long as it doesn’t show itself too much visibly. Again, you can use this little mechanical trick to help yourself out: just hold a thumb pinched between your two fingers on the same hand and squeeze as tightly as you have to. This gives your nervous system a focal point in the body to quietly discharge itself — allowing the rest of your muscles to relax and stop quivering. To “drop dead”.
This allows you to project a vibe of calmness that makes that awesome subliminal High-Status impression on women which can go very far towards getting you some return interest from them!
6. Become Comfortable With Silence. This is just the opposite of Point #1… i.e., overthinking everything that you want to say, rejecting it all and then saying nothing at all!
Some guys can’t tolerate any lull in a conversation with a girl and will seek to keep up a constant stream of nervous chatter because, well, they’re nervous. But just consider for a moment a romantic scene from a typical movie: isn’t it during those moments of silence when the words run out that all the truly important communication begins… spoken with long, penetrating looks and perhaps the first stages of physical contact?
These pivotal moments of emotional/romantic connection will never occur however if you continue to prattle over every potential close moment like Woody Allen on speed! This blab serves no purpose other than to keep your anxieties at bay, so stop it!
Remember, one of the principal skills of the seducer is to seize upon moments of conversational lull and use them to move beyond words… to begin guiding a woman towards an eventual physical connection. This is a skill you want to work on for yourself beginning today. So the next time you find yourself blabbing away to cover up an uncomfortable silence, try sending her a silent signal of appreciation with your eyes instead.
Remember, YOU may be uncomfortable with silence, but women are drawn into it. Learn to exploit this phenomenon.
7. Change Something About Yourself to Improve Your Edge and Get Noticed. LSM’s tend to become socially invisible after a while and will silently fade away into the background. You need to do something different to start lighting-up on her radar screen!
No need to undergo any sort of colossal surgical makeover either — improving just ONE small but significant thing about yourself can be enough to break everyone’s old, cemented the image of you and force them to begin reconsidering who you are. Grow your hair long, or shave it off. Get a tat (or a new one that’s cooler). Try showing up in nice khaki’s instead of the usual dirty jeans — or if you’re a button-down suit-and-tie guy then try loosening up your look a little. This kind of thing acts as a shock to the system (both to the people around you AND yourself) and might finally start getting you noticed, maybe for the first time! Simple but effective.
Well, there are 7 ideas to get you started down the path to some potentially exciting personal change. Notice what I didn’t tell you to do though… I didn’t tell you to go out and get an expensive new wardrobe or to get rich somehow and buy yourself a flashy new car and some kickin’ bling. The typical things you might think would be necessary to raise a guys’ status so that women begin noticing him. These can be your long-range goals to change and improve your life, but you must crawl before you can walk and it’s easy to become overwhelmed and discouraged if you try to tackle the task of massive personal change head-on from several directions at once. Most of us probably wouldn’t even know where to begin!
So your first step will be to assume some of the behaviors of the HSM (even is a simulation) and use the improved reactions from women as a basis to build your confidence up and then just continue moving forward from there. Remember, the goal is to raise the appearance of your male status to get your foot in the door romantically… getting a momentary flash of interest from a chick that you can then seize upon and begin to build off of. One step at a time, right?
ALSO VERY IMPORTANT: This non-verbal signal of male attractiveness sets the table in such a way to make it possible for you to avoid being rejected as much as possible. Otherwise, you are constantly trying to fly in the face of a hurricane of female disinterest, and it won’t be long before your fledgling confidence is shattered completely. You must avoid this.
None of these seven things require any huge investment of money either. What they mostly require is an awareness of yourself — how you act around others and the effect that it has on them. By adopting this sort of “fake it before you make it” idea of self-improvement you can begin to bootstrap yourself up out of your current behavioral rut and start to create little social breakthroughs for yourself here and there. These successes are crucial though because they provide bits of inspiration to keep you motivated and moving forward, always improving… getting smarter with each failure and more confident with each success!
Before you know it, you’ll be looking back 1, 2 or ten years later only to realize that the entire trajectory of your life has changed enormously for the better as a result of these simple beginning efforts.